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Wednesday 11/12/14

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Plant your feet firmly in the middle of this week and straddle past and future: one weekend looms on the horizon, while another, slowly fades from memory… Whoa. Sorry about that. That’s the last time we eat old Halloween candy from strangers.

Anyway, the first thing we did on the Playboy Morning Show today was literally watch paint dry. No joke. We really CAN make anything interesting. But we can’t take all the credit, what with Lisa’s glorious body acting as our painting surface. Remember, when painting a hot chick: primer and lacquer.

After that, we celebrated Comedy Central allowing the word “pussy” to air on its channel now. Good for them, we’ve been saying it for years (but who’s counting?). Since they no longer have to use euphemisms to describe lady bits, we wanted to see how many words we could come up with, in a game we’re callling Sin-onyms. Our girls battled back and forth in a game that would make a Thesaurus proud, removing clothes every time their linguistic trains ran out of track. We actually learned a few new words today!

Next, we welcomed in David Walton, star of NBC’s “About a Boy,” which is currently in its second season. David talked about working on a show that’s made it past 13 episodes (congrats to him!), and about how his article in the latest issue of Playboy prompted his mom to buy all the copies at a local store. Somewhere, a store’s shelves are out of Playboy, and a dove is crying. Probably.

After a break, we came back to welcome in Ian Halvie, star of the new Amazon Prime show “Transparent,” and also the first (to our knowledge) trans guest we’ve had on the show. Ian is FTM (female to male, or “a dude with a vag” as he says), and can grow a beard better than most. We won’t lie and say we’re not jealous. He talked about his show and how he thinks that trans people finally have an accurate representation of them in media.

While he was in, we played a quick round of Two Tits and a Lie, wherein our girls came out with their boobs out and had to tell two truths and then one lie. After a round of guessing, they each revealed their lies (and their lying abilities), making us wonder if we can trust any of them after this point…

Finally, it’s Wednesday, and that means we took the Wheel of Fantasy out, dusted it off, and gave it a few spins, all for the viewing pleasure of people at home. You’re welcome.



Thursday 11/13/14

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It’s Thursday, and we had a kick-ass show for you today. Let’s get to it…

Things got started this morning when we landed our Morning Show outer space probe (not to be confused with our other probe) on the surface of a comet! We’re the first people to send hot chicks to a big ball of rock, ice, and dust that’s hurtling through the galaxy. And what better way to celebrate than to take some selfies and send them back to Earth? You know, for, like, study.

After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin, who had a plethora of celebrity nudity to show us. From Kim Kardashian to Keira Knightly, it was a good week to get naked and have the initials K.K., so be sure to check out his website for more info (and pics, we suppose).

Next, we wanted to test our guest host Rich’s skills with wordplay, in a segment called One-Hundred-One. Our girls gave him body parts and other sexual words and he had to come up with a pun right off the top of his head. Try this out on a first date, if you never wanna have a second one.

Following the joke-fest, we brought our girls to the couch to play Show and Tell, where they saw pictures of things and then told how they would implement them in the bedroom. How would you use a sandwich in bed? Let us know! Address a sealed sandwich (in a bag) to 123 Playboy Rd, Burbank CA and let your voice be heard!

Then, it was time to get enrolled in some Ass Class. You can’t sit down in this class, because we had to learn all about the butt. We saw what kind of panties make good bottoms better, and what positions get the most attention for your backside. But it wouldn’t be class if you didn’t have to show your twerk, because if there’s one thing we can’t stand, it’s cheaters.

We took a short break and then came back to play some Horse or Porn, in honor of the fall season of horse racing getting underway. Our ladies jumped in the saddle and guessed whether a name was the title of a porn film, or the name of a racing horse. It’s a lot harder than you think.

Next, it was time for some Skin to Win, where our ladies locked in their trivia answers by flashing a body part. Jeopardy would be a lot more interesting if that’s how their buzzers worked.

Finally, we came to this week’s titty picks in Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em. Andrea likes the Bills tonight, and the Cards, Seahawks, and Packers this weekend. Tune in Monday to see how she did!


Monday 11/17/14

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Welcome to a fresh week here in the Mini Mansion. We’ve got just the thing to whet your appetite as we wait for Thanksgiving to get here: some breasts and thighs of our own.

We began the show with a whole new guest host, Dan Cummins. He’s got a name that’s built for our show, and we welcome him with open arms.

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Things got a little thankful early on, as we sent in Veronica for the first of our Giving Thanks segments. We don’t really remember what she was thankful for, but we know we appreciate her tassels and we’re grateful she wore them today.

After that, we brought out some items from the upcoming Marilyn Monroe auction that we got our hands on early. Things like a jar of Marilyn’s breath, a bug she squashed, and even a doorknob she used. If you have millions of dollars burning a hole in your gold-lined pocket, give us a call. We need the scratch.

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In honor of one of history’s great beauties, we played a Marilyn-themed Fandemonium, with our girls answering trivia about the famous blonde bombshell and even recreating her famous dress-blowing incident if they got it wrong. It’s our skirts up salute!

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Cody came in to continue our Giving Thanks, this time bringing up her toys (and anal beads!). Maybe don’t bring up this one at your family’s dinner table.

We took a short break and then came back to do a Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em re-cap. Andrea didn’t do so hot, going 2/5 and she shamed her boobs accordingly. It’s not something we enjoyed watching. Hopefully she does better tonight, as she picked the Steelers to top the Titans on Monday Night Football. We shudder to think what the discipline could be if her boob is wrong again…

We then welcomed in Jamie Kaler, host of the new American Heroes Channel show “America: Facts vs. Fiction.” Jamie told us about his work on the show (he informed us that he does indeed appear on camera), and he and Dan went off the euphemism deep end right before our eyes. It was something to behold.

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Our ladies came in to play a quick round of Rack vs. Fiction, where they would have to flash their right boobs if they thought a story was false, and their left ones if they thought it was true. We’ve never wanted half-truths more in our lives.

Finally, in our last Giving Thanks, we turned to Dan, who thanked his balls for all the joy they have given him over the years. He said goodbye this weekend to his old friends (he got a vasectomy), and we paid a touching tribute as our girls waved goodbye. Ball voyage!

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Tuesday 11/18/14

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Don’t get down about that chill in the air, it’s what keeps our nipples nice and hard!

We started the show off this morning with another Giving Thanks moment, this time with Lisa showing her gratefullness for her full breasts. As somebody who had their bust enhanced, she can truly be thankful, because she’s knows what it’s like to live without.

Next, we looked through Bono’s bag that recently fell out of his airplane. That’s right, we have it, and don’t believe anybody who tells ya different, ya hear? One thing is abundantly clear: that guy sure loves himeself.

Following the bag examination, we played a fun little game called Dan Cummins Inside of You, in honor of our host Dan Cummins. It only took us two days to utilize his name, and frankly we’re surprised it lasted this long. Anyway, our ladies came in and were tested on whether or not they’ve done the same sexual things he has. Don’t let the beard fool you, Dan and these gals are more similar than you’d think.

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We had anther Giving Thanks before we went to break, this time featuring Destiny talking about her skinny cat or something. Or maybe it was tight pussy. Either way, that’s a strange thing to be thankful for, but to each their own. On an unrelated note, I don’t understand euphemisms.

We came back from break to honor that most sacred of Thanksgiving traditions: hand turkeys. In a segment called Spanksgiving, our girls slapped some ass and did some art, making their creations come to life. That’s one turkey that’ll make you wanna jerky. (I’m so sorry).

Then, we welcomed in Zane Lamprey, from the new NatGeo show “Chug,” where he gets to travel the world and try different exotic alcoholic drinks. Sounds like we have a contender for “Who’s Got the Best Job?”, against us here at the Playboy Morning Show. Maybe we should join forces…

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Finally, Zane stepped out and we played a game in his honor called Chugs and Juggs, where one girl is blindfolded and is fed drinks by a girl acting as her arms. These drinks are from all over the world, so it’s like around the world in 5 pints. Bottoms up!

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Wednesday 11/19/14

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It’s Wednesdsay, a.k.a. the ass-crack of the week, splitting it between two cushy weekends, and we had a great show to help you separate…

We started things off today with a little Horny History lesson, in honor of Thanksgiving, which is right around the corner. Our hot teacher Mrs. Lipps came in to give us the real-deal talk about how the first Thanksgiving went down. As with most historical holidays, you should take this story with a grain of salt (or more, it is Thanksgiving after all).

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We continued to Give Thanks here at the Morning Show, today hearing from both Andrea and hot model Carly Lucy, who were thankful for things like: the invention of the thong, Asian men, and Carly’s firm, natural breasts. Amen!

After that, we mourned the loss of the creator of the “Choose Your Own Adventure” books, and honored him with our own Choose Your Own Ass-venture, which saw Ashley leading Juliet and Bobbi Dean on a mythical quest to reclaim their gold. They may have lost their clothes along the way, but they gained our admiration. They can clothe themselves in that.

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After a short break, we played a traditional Thanksgiving game here at the Playboy Morning Show, Turkey or Jerky! We saw an uber-closeup and we had to guess whether it was a hot girl or a turkey. On a related note, we’d like to remind everyone to always wear protection when handling raw meat.

Then we welcomed in our guest for the day, Youtube sensation and rapper extraordinaire Timothy DeLaGhetto. Timothy gave out some secrets to being a Youtube star, what it’s like to travel and talk on panels, and even took a video of his own. Check out his channel and see if you see any familiar faces.

Finally, we spun around our Wheel of Fantasy, Thanksgiving edition, and saw things like Horn on the Cob, Rack Friday, and a Twerk-ey. Gobble gobble, ya’ll.

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Thursday 11/20/14

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It’s a Thanksgiving spectacular here in the Mini Mansion. We know it’s next week, but we’ll be off the air then, so you get your first serving of all of your holiday favorites a week early! With a side of naked ladies.

We started things today with our first Gobble Game, Butter Races! Drew and Katie sat on the couch and tried their best to melt some butter with only their body heat, and see who could get it all the way down to their panties first. I can’t believe it’s butter!

After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin to tell us about all the celeb nudity of the week, including some choice scenes in the new “Sin City” movie, and Margaret Cho’s tattooed body. Check out his site for a whole mess of tattooed (and blank) ladies.

Our next Gobble Game happened to be Pumpkin Pie Diving! Jaclyn and Tania each tried their hand (or, face) at eating a pie using only their mouths. Andrea provided the orgasmic soundtrack as each lady took their turn, and somehow managed to make pie more sexy than it ever was before. And, let’s be real, pie was already pretty damn sexy.

Next, we welcomed in Bill and Tom Kaulitz, twin brothers from the band Tokio Hotel. They’re huge over in Europe and starting to make a name for themselves over here in the states, so be sure to keep your eye on them. People just might think you’re something of a taste-maker.

We kept them in to judge our next Gobble Game, the Pilgrim Pole Dance! Each of our models came in the studio, dressed in their very own pilgrim garb and stripped on the pole for us. If only the original Pilgrims could see us now… Nothing pure about our Puritans.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Chad Braverman of Doc Johnson sex toys. Doc Johnson has a plethora of amazing gadgets, gizmos, and what-ever-else to ensure that you and your partner get the most out of your intimate times together. Men and women need to give their site a once-over (Christmas is right around the corner, people).

While Chad was in studio, we had him judge some of our home-made sex toys in a segment we’re calling Spank Tank! Turns out that Chad can’t say no to anything with a fanny pack, so start sending those ideas his way.

To close out our special Thanksgiving feast for the eyes, we enjoyed our last Gobble Game as dessert: Gravy Wrestling! What’s sexier than two girls going toe-to-toe in a tiny ring full of gravy? We honestly can’t think of anything right now. See you after our break, and have a great Thanksgiving!


Monday 12/1/14

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Happy December, Playboy Morning Show Friends! Crazy to think that the year is already winding down. Seems like just yesterday we were getting drunk to ring in 2014. I mean, we WERE getting drunk yesterday, but for different reasons…

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Anyway, we hope you had a great Thanksgiving. We wanted to share our leftovers with you, so we re-did some of our favorite Gobble Games from before we left for our break. Some things are just better re-heated.

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After that, we talked to new girl Kristin, and got to know her a little bit better (tattoos and piercings only go so far, you know). In order to really get inside her, um, shoes, we had her tell a story from her life while our other model friends reenacted it. It’s called Kisstory and it features all the nudes that’s fit to print.

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It is Cyber Monday today, the day where everyone pretends the internet is for shopping, instead of porn. We met you shopaholics halfway in our Cyber Monday Sexy Skype Scavenger Hunt, featuring Texas rose Alissa Arden! Alissa showed us why she’s Cyber Girl of the Month, and made a pretty good case for why she should be crowned Cyber Girl of the Year. Although we’re suckers for anything said upside-down.

We took short break, but brought it right back with the first of our Playboy Morning Show Ass-vent Calendar: 12 little door-thingys, infinite amounts of mystery. Today, we opened number one, under which we found a nice little note telling us it’s time to decorate the studio! We had our girls spread some holiday cheer around the room, and deck our halls with their bras of jolly. To cap it all off, we ceremoniously lit the tree, and it is now officially Christmas time here in the Mini Mansion. We just hope we don’t get coal again.

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It is Monday, and that means Monday Night Football. Tonight, Jets over Dolphins, according to Andrea’s boobs, who are taking the road less traveled. Watch the game and let us know if she called the upset.

Finally, a brand new game was unveiled today, and it’s called I Won’t Say. It’s like Telephone mixed with Charades and with topless ladies, it’s all kinds of fun to watch. Our girls were pretty good at it, too, which only strengthens our theory that chicks can read minds.

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Tuesday 12/2/14

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Well, well, well… What have we here? Oh. It’s just the Playboy Morning Show. Carry on.

This crazy lil’ show got going this morning with a lengthy discussion about beards with our guest host for the week, the fabulously-bearded Dan Cummins. They’re all the rage from CEO’s to the lowliest hipster trust fund baby, which makes it officially a trend. It’s nice when men can turn their laziness into a style, like just-getting-out-of-bed hair and smelling-like-a-car.

After that, we checked out some road signs that are apparently pretty easy to hack into, resulting in hilarious and juvenile messages for all drivers on the road to see. It really livens up sitting in one lane of traffic for four hours.

Next, we opened another door on our gigantic Ass-vent Calendar, today revealing a snowy surprise… Yes, we decorated the lovely Mariela as a snow-girl, and we have to say, if googly eyes don’t catch on this year, we will be shocked.

After that, we welcomed in Nikki Lund, whose new song “This Is It” is out now. Nikki talked about dating Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora, and officially announced… that he has a nice dick. You heard it here first, folks! While Nikki was with us, we played a game in her honor called “This Is Tit?” where we see a zoomed-in picture and have to guess whether or not it is a tit. Nikki was very good at this game, hopefully, she’ll be adding “boob expert” to her resume.

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We took a break and came back to welcome in Mo Mandel, host of the new TruTV show “Barmageddon,” which is like ‘Wife Swap,’ but for bars. Now if only they can make a Bar/Wife Swap show, we’ll really be golden. Mo talked about the show, and what it’s like to be the center of attention, drink for free, and travel around the country meeting different hot chicks. Some guys have it all.

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Finally, we wrapped up our show with a beer-themed Know It or Show It, where our ladies wore beer cans, bottles, and glasses in lieu of lingerie. No need for beer goggles here.

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Wednesday 12/3/14

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Happy Hump Day! We had a Wonderful Wheel Wednesday in store for you, so let’s give this a whirl.

The show got started this morning with a discussion about aural pleasure. Not the type with your mouth, but with your “aura,” which some people recently linked to a positive sex life. At first, we thought it was about sex in Acuras, but were disappointed to learn the truth.

After that, we announced our Playboy Christmas Cartoon Caption-Off, where you can put your wits to the test by captioning one of our show’s Chrismtas Cartoon homages. Check it out on Twitter, and give it your best shot. We may just put it on the show (if it tickles our fancy, among other things).

Next, we checked another box on our Ass-vent Calendar, this time revealing some sexy carolers! Our girls sang the Playboy version of the “12 Days of Christmas” and stripped while they did it. It almost made that horrible, long song worth it… Almost.

Our fabulous guest host Dan then walked us through 3 Man Things, that all men should know. Ironing a shirt, tying a tie, and how not to give a bad handshake all were covered in great detail, so now you can meet your girlfriend’s parents with poise, grace, and confidence. Just remember to not bring up the fact that you’re banging their daughter.

It is Wednesday. That means Wheel. But you don’t have to be a caveman to enjoy something like this week’s Wheel of Fantasy, which was all Winter-themed. We saw some Snow-y Plowing and Wrapping Paper-kinis that are sure to get you in the spirit. Which spirit? I don’t know. Christmas, maybe. You’ll definitely be spirited, that’s for sure.

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We took a short break and then welcomed in Rick Rosner, the 2nd-Smartest Man in the World, who went back to high school for 10 years! Not because they made him, like with us, but because he wanted to. Alright, alright, alright. We wanted to test Rick’s smarts, so we pitted him against all four of our girls to give it a fair balance. Turns out the Playboy IQ test is a little different than the standard, and our girls held their own. The game ended in a tie, proving once and for all that our models are the brightest in the biz.

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Thursday 12/4/14

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Hello there! It’s a fine, frosty Thursday here in the Mini Mansion, so you may have to get out your scraper this morning…

We began things by showing off your winning captions for our Christmas Cartoon. Andrea even got hers in there! We also had our models come in and try their hand at it, right off the tops of their heads. They were surprisingly good at it, proving once again that comic writers are actually a bunch of hot chicks. We knew it!

Next, we talked to Mr. Skin, who had his top 10 best nude scenes of the year all ready for us. Christmas came a little early here, as we checked out some of the all-year best naked scenes on everything from “True Detective” to “Game of Thrones.” Gotta love HBO, man.

After that, it was time for one of our favorite games, Lesbian Chicken: Baseball edition! In honor of the umpire who just came out of the closet, our girls took swings at each other as they tried to round the bases while the other girl guarded her plate. They’re OUT (of the closet).

We took a short break and then came back to open another sexy door on our Ass-vent Calendar! Number 4 had in store for us some Snow Angels. We watched our girls take to the floor and spread wide… before coming back in. That’s just a description of making a snow angel, but it’s still hot as hell. Damn. Never realized that before.

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We welcomed in Frenchy Morgan, who took her own time in our snow pile before joining us on the couch. She’s a reality star with a new song entitled “I Want To Get Naked,” that she wrote herself! We love her spunk and pink outfit, but we wanted to test how naked she really wanted to get. So, we played a game (appropriately) called I Want to Get Naked, where our girls came in dressed as various French stereotypes to say whether they had done something. They got naked pretty quick, along with Frenchy, Dan, and Andrea! Frenchy’s infectious personality bubbled over into everyone today, making everyone say “I Want to Get Naked.” Let’s spread this message to the world.

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Monday 12/8/14

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It’s Monday and it’s beginning to look a lot like XXXmas. Ho ho ho.

We began things this morning by welcoming back guest host Ryan Stout! He was last with us in October, and couldn’t bear to stay away. We totally understand.

First things first, we needed to check our Ass-vent Calendar, counting down our 12 Days of Ass-mas. Today, we revealed a Gift Exchange behind the door, and the ladies took turns selecting (and stealing) gifts, before opening them and seeing if they’ve been naughty or nice. Some girls just get the short end of the stick this time of year… or, the fat end of the paddle.

After that, we brought in the very first male winner of “America’s Next Top Model,” Keith Carlos. Congrats to him on making history, being the first Top Model champ to own a penis (as far as we know). Keith also used to play in the NFL, so yes, life’s been good to him so far. We kept Keith around to judge our own America’s Next Top-less Model, featuring Cody, Rachel, Rayshell, and Veronica in their hand-made breast accessories.

Next, we brought in Tanay Jackson, daughter of Tito Jackson and niece to world-famous Michael. She performed her new song “Addicted” for us, along with two of her super talented backup dancers. After that, she stuck around to help us with the Jackson High-Five Contest, where we saw our ladies do the blindfolded slap, the low-five, and a choreographed move they made up themselves. The first trick to successfully connecting on a palm-to-palm slap is look at the other person’s elbows. Which only gets harder when it’s attached to a hot girl.


Tuesday 12/9/14

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Mmmm. Tuesday. Goes down smooth.

The show began today by checking out an ugly Christmas sweater for the ages. Seriously, this thing has a pillow and door knocker sewn onto it. Jaclyn made it sexy by not wearing pants, but oh man… I mean it literally has bells and whistles on it. Good lord.

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Jaclyn, decked in gay apparel, helped open our next Ass-vent Calendar box, today revealing a Present Wrapping Contest. The catch is, they don’t have wrapping paper, they just have to use whatever’s on their back. Good thing it’s clothes. That means they have to take them off. Remember, just as you can’t heal a wound that isn’t there, so too can you not take off a clothing item if you’re already naked. Namaste.

After that, we brought in Moshe Kasher, stand-up comedian, author, podcast host, and celebrated raver. He and Andrea became fast friends talking about their various glow-stick-infused dance habits, and about why Ryan’s quarter trick from earlier in the show wouldn’t work on him. We kept him in studio to help us play NO-K in the UK, where we illustrated some of the things the UK has banned from their pornography. Aliens, Birds and Bees, Dinosaurs, Spanking, Robotic Verbal Abuse: these were just some of the things we touched on, and they all touched us back. They’re really missing out across the pond.

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We took a short break and then welcomed in Jessica Chobot, host of “Nerdist News” on Youtube, and professional video game player. We’re hard-pressed to find jobs that rival hanging out with hot naked chicks all day, but that’s definitely one of them. Just remember: “Triforce” is a symbol from the Legend of Zelda, not dating advice.

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Finally, as is the custom on Tuesdays, we played the longest-running naked game show in the universe, Know It or Show It. We tested our models on video game, TV host, and candy knowledge and watched them strip if they didn’t have the answers. It’s like a police interrogation, but the questions are more fun.

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Wednesday 12/10/14

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It’s the Playboy Morning Show, where every Wednesday is a Men-nes-day… Right?

Well, either way, we started things off by checking Lucky Number 7 on our Ass-vent Calendar. You’ll feel super lucky if you like hot Santas taking it all off. I’m sure there’s at least one or two of you out there.

After that, we ran through some of Ryan’s Screamin’ Memes, featuring actual words screamed at Ryan from his various girlfriends over the years, over some nice pictures of nature. The contrast is striking, the words are biting, and your girlfriend is hopefully not striking or biting. Unless you’re into that… But more on that later.

Next, we welcomed in DJ Prostyle, who’s holding it down on two different radio stations (in New York and Florida) and also DJ’s bi-weekly on Good Morning America. Check out his new track “Debut” on Youtube, or even better at the next iHeartRadio festival. We kept him around to help us spin our Wheel of Fantasy, Clerb Edition. (For those of you who don’t know, “clerb” is a slang word for club. It helps if you’ve had copious amounts of alcohol.) We saw some girls get into a catfight, and get patted down by our vibrating metal detector. You’ve got front row seats and you don’t even have to pay 10 grand for bottle service. You the real VIP.

We took a break. Then we came back to welcome in dominatrix and fitness instructor Snow Mercy and her submissive servant Mary. Tim from Maine got his spanking fix for the day and then we brought in our ladies to get their own personal training session from this Mormon-turned-Mistress. We can’t tell if this would give us more or less motivation to work out… but we like it.


Thursday 12/11/14

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Well, folks, we got another fantastic Playboy Morning Show on the ready for you, check it out!

We started the show today by going through yet another Ass-vent Calendar reading, today revealing some Stocking Stuffers. Our models came in and dropped some gifts in their stockings while they were still in them, and ran across the room to ring the Mall Santa bell. They made quite a run in those seasonal stockings.

After that, we received a call from Dr. Norman Rowe, creator of the “Insta-Breast” procedure, otherwise known as the 24-hour boob job. If you want to feel like Cinderella with your own pair of pumpkin carriages for only a day, this is the non-invasive procedure for you. I’m saline awayyy…

In his honor, we played a new game on the Morning Show called BattleNips! It’s a lot like your favorite childhood game that we can’t legally mention, but it involves sinking BattleNips, pasted on a naked girl. Two seem like gimmies, but looks can be deceiving.

We took a quick break and then looked at a little 2014 Playmate Recap. Help Hef decide who should be next year’s Playmate of the Year. With 12 girls like these, we don’t envy his position. Oh wait. Yes we do. We do very much.

Then, we welcomed in rapper/singer/songwriter/dancer extraordinaire TeeFlii, whose debut album “Starr” comes out early next year. TeeFlii talked about who he’s worked with, who he still wants to work with, and some of his greatest inspirations. Did we mention he plays the drums, piano, and organ? Some people have all the talent.

Finally, we wanted our models to test some of their rapping skills while getting done from behind in a game called Doggy Freestyle. Sherra was our designated humper/beatmaster and Drew, Toryn, and Juliet gave their best phat rhymes. Watch out world, our brand-new model rappers Shy, 2ThaPoint, and Big Toy are hittin’ the streets.


Monday 12/15/14

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It’s the last week of shows here in the Mini Mansion before our Christmas/New Year/Hannukah break! So drink it in before we hibernate for two weeks. It’ll be a long fortnight without our hot bodies to warm you up.

We started the show today by welcoming back guest host Steve Greene, a man who hates the Matrix sequels enough to bring them up over a decade after they came out, just to drag them through the mud again. There’s no expiration date on rage.

After that, we brought in our girls to try and paint another girl’s sweet visage… using only their boobs. They may not be the next Picasso or Rembrandt, but they’ve definitely got nicer racks than either of those dudes.

We then talked via Skype with the fabulous Elizabeth Ostrander, who you may recognize from the cover and centerfold of December’s ice-inspired Playboy Magazine. This all-natural redhead spends most of her time on a boat, so we’re lucky that she was on shore leave long enough to get some internet. Otherwise we’d have to communicate via boat horns. Elizabeth got some help from Jenna and Amber for her Playmate Pick Six, which she got 6 out of 6 correct. She’s the first to ever do that, and if you think we’re wrong, we don’t wanna hear it.

After a short break, we wanted to see who made the Naughty or Nice list this year, and dole out cupcakes or spankings based on their answers. It’s a classic twist on the ol’ presents or coal. We also got a sneak preview of our next guest when he came out to show his mangina…

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That’s right! Eric Andre, comedian and host of “The Eric Andre Show” is in the studio, laying down every which way and talking about what it’s like to mess with celebrities and wreck shit. It’s the craziest talk show we’ve ever seen, and we work on a talk show with a bunch of naked people. So that’s really saying something.

Finally, we brought our girls in to show of their Impressing Impressions, since Eric has a lot of (bad) celebrity impressions on his show. We saw our girls take on the vocal qualities of famous folk and we tried to guess who they were. Fuh-git about it.

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Tuesday 12/16/14

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Welcome to a whole ‘nuther Playboy Morning Show, right here in the Mini Mansion. Get ‘em while they’re hot.

We began the show today with some light Menorah or Majora, a festive holiday tradition from our family to yours. We saw some close-up shots and had to guess whether they were for Hanukkah or Hot-nukah. Both look real good oiled up though.

After that, we kept the Hanukkah train rolling with some Horny History. For those of you who don’t know the story of Hanukkah, I’m sure you were pleased to learn something new. For those of you who DID know the story, I’m sure you were just as pleased to learn something in a new way. Nothing spells tradition like naked ladies.

Next, we saw if our own oil could last for 8 Crazy Boobs. We only had enough oil for one girl, but it made its way down the line to all four! It’s the sexiest Hanukkah miracle ever.

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We took a short break and then lead our girls make some Macca-bead-kinis out of some already-made bikinis and blue and white beats. This one Israeli sexy.

Then it was time to open another Ass-vent Calendar date. We’re on our 10th day of Christmas here in the Mini Mansion, and it just wouldn’t feel like the season without a little Mistletoe/Camel Toe. Mariela showed off both as Jaclyn and Ruby kissed under it. Talk about low-hanging fruit.

Finally, we got to the Battle of the Babes to close out the show. On one side, Team Christmas, on the other, Team Hanukkah. After a tree-decorating showdown, a quick round of strip dreidel, and a some trampoline trivia, team Hanukkah stole the day. They’re set to celebrate just today, but the party could last 8 for all we know.

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Wednesday 12/17/14

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Welcome to another fun-filled hour of adventure here in the Mini Mansion… it’s like an amusement park filled with muses.

We started the show off by checking out our second-to-last door in our Ass-vent Calendar. Today’s special surprise came in the form of a Candy Cane Pole Dance, wherein Lisa and Bobbi Dean showed us how to turn any pole into a spun treat… by spinning on it!

After that, we talked via Skype with John and Rasheed, Hosts of Jam FM in Berlin, Germany. They recently got breast implants for a day in order to experience one glorious 24-hour period with their own pair of boobs. We heard about the procedure a few days ago from the doctor who invented it, but we never expected it to go this far. CURSE YOU, SCIENCE!

To be honest, the guys didn’t go quite as far with things as we would have, so to remedy that, we had our models come in and show us what they could do with their boobs in a segment called Yes We Cans. We learned that they can be used as weather devices, instruments, and even wifi hotspots. We really need to get our hands on a biology book, because this is all news to us. Damn public schools.

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We took a short break and then came back to play some Truth or Bare, where we read a story and each of our models has to pretend that it was theirs. If there’s one thing that makes us trust women less, it’s watching them be really good at this game.

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Next, it was time for a Christmas Song Tit-les, where our models came in and gave silent clues to Andrea and Steve in order to get them to guess the titles of some of your favorite holiday classics. Andrea and Steve even put a bet that the lose would have to motor boat the winner’s face. This may be the first time we’re glad Andrea lost the game.

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Finally, our Wheel of Fantasy was a special “Best Of 2014″ edition, with all of your favorites from past wheels ready to be picked again. Miss “executive spanking” or “prisoner cavity search”? Then this is the wheel for you!

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Only one more show before 2015, so don’t miss out tomorrow!

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Monday 1/5/15

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Welcome back to the Playboy Morning Show! It’s a brand new year, and we’ve got a brand new full-time host, Mr. Dan Cummins! It was a long, arduous task that led us to finding a new host, but we believe it’s a match made in heaven. Ahh, now we can finally take our honeymoon.

We started off the show by welcoming our new host and friend, with a gift basket, Playboy style. Everything from beard oil to edible panties, and ending in a naked ribbon-cutting ceremony. It was a fitting beginning to what will surely be a fun-filled tenure here in the Mini Mansion. The Mini-Key is in good hands.

After that, we welcomed in April Macie, comedian and self-proclaimed “unstable” woman. She and Dan were on “Last Comic Standing” together,  and they recounted the time she and her ex-boyfriend starting fighting during one of Dan’s podcast sessions. Since they were on “Last Comic Standing” together, we decided to play a game called Last Model Standing, where we put our girls through a gauntlet of modeling challenges to see who would be the final hottie on two legs. In the end, they all won, but c’mon, these girls are professionals.

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We took a break and came back to welcome in Joe Dante, director of such films as “Gremlins” (1 and 2), and “The Burbs.” Needless to say, he’s got quite a following, and is a nice enough guy to not call out the critics who didn’t like his classics when they first came out. He’s a nobler man than us.

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To wrap up the show, we played Nipflix, where we showed Joe some scenes from his own films, as acted by our models. Joe guessed which film they came from and it turns out he knows his own stuff pretty well. Even with our “actors” not being classically trained.

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Tuesday 1/6/15

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Welcome to a banner 600th episode of the Playboy Morning Show! Hard to believe that it’s already been so long, and hard and long are just the way we like it.

We started the show off today with a rousing (and arousing) game of Lesbian Chicken to celebrate Miami’s lifted ban on gay marriage. Juliet and Margaret squared off and tried to make the other blink first. Lord knows we were all staring.

After that, we checked out a very real billboard for… the KKK. Yes, those crazy white-robed racists are trying hard to re-brand themselves, it seems, and we got our hands on some of their “unused” slogans that we read for you today. In other words, they’re not fooling anybody.

Next, we talked with all four of our beautiful… um, beauties about their experiences with “fuck buddies” in our Hot Girl Focus Group. We learned that sometimes the biggest enemy to gettin’ it on… is love itself. Disney never taught us that lesson…

We took a short break and then came back to test out a hypothesis that we posited last episode: that swearing is good. Turns out that saying profanities can actually act as a painkiller. To put this to the test, we had our models come into the studio and submerge their hands in bowls of freezing cold water, and let one of them swear and one of them read from a list of words that aren’t vulgar, but still fun to say while you’re in pain. Even Dan and Andrea got in on the challenge, proving once and for all that… wait, what were we trying to do again?

Anyway, we moved along and celebrated our milestone 600th episode by looking back at some of the fun things that we’ve done over the years. The girls, the guests, the games, Andrea… were all basically not included in the video. Turns out Dan edited it himself and kept it very “Dan-centric.” That’s the last time we let him use Final Cut on our computers.

Finally, we finished out the show with some Know It or Show It. It’s the longest-running naked game show in the history of TV and Radio and you know how it works: we ask questions, the girls get them wrong, they get naked, everybody wins!

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Wednesday 1/7/2015

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Happy Wednesday to all of you out there in internet land, the place with almost as much boobs per capita as our show. Almost.

We started things off today by talking about all the people who have been left out on the tarmac lately, when all they want to do is get off the plane and wait for their luggage. Is that too much to ask? Apparently so. But we’re here to help! We offered up some ways you can distract yourself in close cabin quarters and still say sexy. We put the T and A in TSA.

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Next, we talked to a mysterious gentleman known only as “Double Dick Dude.” No, seriously. The man’s got two dicks. We talked to him about how they both work and what it’s like to fuck two girls at the same time… literally. We here at the Morning Show salute him, and want him to know that we all have a new favorite superpower.

In DDD’s honor, we played some Dick Pics! Our girls sat down on the couch and thought up some captions for pictures of things that looked like dicks. Just like “Jurassic Park,” these are some “clever girls.”

We took a short break and then welcomed in Luke Arnold, Jessica Parker Kennedy, and Zach McGowan from the STARZ series “Black Sails.” These pirates told us tails of the high seas, which basically means shooting in South Africa for seven months, and invite anyone and everyone to follow their show on Twitter to get clues for their very own buried treasure. Yarrr.

To round out the show we played a special round of Playboy Feud: Pirates vs. Booties Edition. The models and the actors went head-to-head in a game that in no way resembles any other ‘feud’-based game on television (aside from blind coincidence, of course). In the end, the actors game out on top, and got to hoist their flag above the Mini Mansion and sail off into the sunset. Yo ho ho, and a bottle of lube.

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