Welcome to another mid-week, wacky wheel-tastic Wednesday here in the Mini Mansion. We’ll all get over the hump if we want it hard enough.

The show got going this morning when we checked out the first of a few of our “Blood Moon” cams from across the world. We saw people the world over checking out the reddish hue of last night’s moon, and we have to say… we don’t remember it being so sexy.

After that, we brought in Helenea and Carrie to talk to us about their porno preferences in our Hot Girl Focus Group segment. We had some data, statistics, and charts on the most-searched terms on porn sites, split by gender. It’s interesting to see what people want to look at the most, based on cold, hard evidence, rather than hearsay. We’re just surprised “cold,” “hard,” and “hearsay” didn’t make the list. Maybe that’s just us.

It’s Wednesday, which means that we brought out the Wheel of Fantasy and spun it round and round. We added a few college-focused challenges to the wheel, and even landed on one: Sorority Paddle. It’s the second-best thing to actually getting into the house you wanted. Theta Iota Theta for life!

We took a short break and then welcomed in Carlton Gebbia, of “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills” fame, to talk about what it’s like being the series’ first Wiccan, and what we can expect from her now that she’s not on the show anymore.

Lastly, we closed out the show with a Battle of the  Babes… um… battle? Carlton was nice enough to stick around and help us judge the competition in the rounds of Trampoline Trivia, and Beverly Hills Shop-walk. In the end, team bush took home the prize, which we’ll take as evidence that pubic hair is back in style. You heard it here first!

We had a fantastic Thursday here in the Mini Mansion, so let’s toot it and boot it.

The craziness began this morning when we let Ryan have his way with the Gratuitous Nudity button, pressing it throughout the show. It’s appropriate of nothing, so it’s only appropriate that they wear nothing.

We also talked with Mr. Skin on the phone today, and he brought a good amount of celebrity nudity to us, including from the show “Penny Dreadful,” which uses the magic of ghost sex to make sure nothing gets in the way of that sweet nakedness. Boo-tiful.

After that, we welcomed in Lori-Ann Marchese and Susanna Paliotta from the Bravo series “Game of Crowns.” These Mrs. USA contestants strutted their stuff, and let us know what it takes to be a hot mom.

While they were in with us, we played a Halloween-themed game called Sweet ‘n Sour, where we heard some sour sexual stories featuring naked mishaps, and then washed the taste of them out of our mouth by watching our models eat candy off of each other. Next time, maybe we’ll do it with Chinese food.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Tommy Wirkola and Martin Starr from the film “Dead Snow 2,” and they stuck around to watch us play Nipflix! Our models re-enacted some famous scenes from horror movies and our guests had to guess. These ladies have some chops, in addition to having no tops.

If you’re staring down a mean Monday, there’s only one way to stave off your responsibilities for a few, precious more minutes… by reading this blog!

We unwrapped the first show of the week by welcoming in our brand-new guest host, Leonard Robinson! You may recognize Leonard from “Foursome: Walk of Shame” right here on PlayboyTV, where he coined the phrase “Welcome to the Fuck House!” So basically, he’s a living legend.

We then went to the first of many of our “Yes Means Yes” tutorials, where our models Danelle and Veronica walked us through the Do’s and Do-Not-Do’s of California’s new law. College students, take note.

After that, we welcomed in Andra Fuller, one of the stars of Adult Swim’s “Black Jesus.” Andra enlightened us to the fact that many men are now getting beard weaves to fill our their faces. Is nothing sacred?

We kept Andra around for our next Yes Means Yes segment, and then we ran through our Horny History lesson with Cody teaching us about the “discovery” of America on this Columbus Day 2014. We learned a lot, mainly that Columbus was a huge dick.

A short break followed, and then we welcomed in Neon Hitch, a British singer and songwriter who is starting her American tour this week. This be-sequined beauty told us about her “Gypsy” music, and the time somebody went down on her while she was singing on stage at a gay club, and we can’t really blame her for being a tad surprised.

She stuck around for our last game of the day: Is It a Boob?! We saw close-ups of different body parts and we had to guess whether or not it was a boob. Our models locked in their answers by grabbing their own set of boobs, making the guessing part most of the fun. It’s Breast Awareness Month and we are now both aware and aroused.

We had a spooky Topless Tuesday ready to go for you this morning, so let’s split up and check it out.

We got the ball rolling today with a lively discussion about balls, which only feels appropriate.

After that, we talked about an insensitive selfie taken by Danny Green of the NBA’s San Antonio Spurs, where he used the hashtag #holocaust. We scrolled through Facebook and found out some of our models had been unknowingly doing the same thing. Check your backgrounds, ya’ll.

Next, we talked via Skype with Ryan McManus, inventor of The Defender, a new self-defense item for women that is part mace, part camera, and part GPS. In a moment of crisis, simplicity is king, and one button does all on this little gadget. Ryan doesn’t recommend taking photos of celebrities with it, though, and we’re inclined to agree.

In honor of the Defender, we played one of our favorite games here, Name That Alleged Perv! This perv round-up is Halloween-themed, featuring alleged pervs in costume-related crimes. Even if you have a disguise, sometimes that’s not enough.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Scream Queen Felissa Rose, whose superstar status was solidified at an early age in the film “Sleepaway Camp,” and she’s been doing it ever since, starring in over 60 horror movies to date. You should definitely check out her new film “No Solicitors,” because she knows scary movies.

Finally, we welcomed in our models to participate in a Scream Queen-off, to see if any of them have what it takes to be a horror movie starlet. The three rounds had them test their scream, their acting abilities, and their death throes to determine who’s the Scream-iest of these Queens. In the end, Felissa went with Carolyn, so if you’re looking for someone to star in your horror movie, she’s your ghoul.

Hola amigos! Bienvenidos al Playboy Morning Show! It’s the last day of Hispanic Heritage Month, and we’ve got four sexy Latinas here to help us celebrate!

We started things off by checking in with our hot Latina models and seeing if they had any idea that it was Hispanic Heritage Month. They did not. But neither did we before today. Maybe people get confused because Hispanic Heritage Month starts and ends in the middle of two separate months. Were all the other months taken? Get on that, Hispanic Heritage Month marketing team. But we don’t care! We’re gonna celebrate these hot ladies’ history anyway. Because no matter who you are, or where you’re from, we all can agree that hot chicks are good for humanity.

After that we talked via Skype with the ladies of Sheri’s Ranch, which is a brothel in Nevada. They’re having their annual Halloween party and it sounds like a pretty neat shindig to say the least. We also feel inclined to mention their various themed rooms and brand new Nuru massage parlour, which makes us think we want to come for the Halloween party, stay forever. And we mean that without an ounce of spookiness.

Next, we continued our celebration of Hispanic culture with a little game called Wheel of Hot! Our models came in and spun the wheel to determine what they then had to eat from our array of spicy peppers, sauces, and chips. These ladies really went to bat and showed us that they know how to turn up the heat. And in mascara, too. That’s the real impressive part.

We took a short break and then came back to welcome in singer Mila J, whose new song “My Main” featuring Ty Dolla $ign can be found on Youtube. Mila talked to us about growing up in Los Angeles (her name stands for “Made in Los Angeles”), and about the shady tactics of haters on Instagram. Gotta love those haters.

Finally, Mila stayed in to act as lifeline for the girls as we played Who Lati-no’s More? It’s a special Latin-themed Know It or Show It, and the girls did their best to fend off trivia questions to keep their clothes. Any clothes lost will be donated to needy people in other countries. Not really though.

The light at the end of the week is growing wider and wider, so let’s keep on chuggin’.

We got things started this fine morning by checking out a study that broke down the most attractive dances that men can do to attract women. Apparently neck movement and leg speed directly correlate to how good of a dancer you appear to be, so we’re guessing headbanging is the way to go. But we’re not experts or anything. Our girls showed us some attractive dances, and we needed your help to decide which was the best in our Playboy Poll Dancing. Read on to learn the results…

After that, we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin, who brought up one of our favorite girl-on-girl scenes in “Mulholland Drive,” and also Cameron Diaz’s first nude scene ever! We always say better late than never, and she’s still got it going on.

Next, we brought our models back in for Boobing for Candy, a delightful Halloween game that you can play with the adults in your neighborhood, should you so choose. We recommend getting drunk first, though. Anyway, Destiny, Lauryn, Dani G, and Drew all dipped their breasts into some caramel and tried to get the most candy to stick. In the end, Dani G survived the shake test the best and was declared the champion. As a reward, her candy got eaten off, giving a whole new meaning to the words “caramel apple.”

We took a short break and then welcomed in Caitlin O’Connor, model, Playboy Mansion tour guide,and all-around hot chick. She’ll be appearing in the film “Southpaw” starring Jake Gyllenhaal and Rachel McAdams next year, so look for her ringside in that boxing film.

To close out the show, we played a quick round of Hefardy, featuring categories like “Famous Southpaws” and “Months of the Year.” We ran out of time, but were able to use a caller to break the tie in our dance contest, naming Drew’s twerking the victor and the best way to attract guys. We hope you’ll all be twerking for the weekend in her honor.

Well, we blinked and the weekend went by. But fret not! The Playboy Morning Show is here to help you get over your hangover and on to the next one.

The show started with an introduction to our guest host for the day, the incomparable Andy Dick! We appreciate Andy waking up so early to be on our show, we know how much he likes to party. He’s basically a champion.

In honor of Mr. Dick joining us, we played a little game called Stick the Dick, where our girls selected a penis cut-out from our ample selection and tried their best to pin it onto a little poster of a Dick-less Andy. Cody got closest with her cactus dick, and regaled us of her story that she partied with Andy and bought him a couple shots. No wonder she won.

After that, we Titty Picked us some football. Tonight’s match-up between the Steelers and the Texans is going to go Pittsburgh’s way according to the incredible picking power of Andrea’s left breast. Get your bookie on the horn, because Andrea’s nipples are always a hot tip.

Since Sweetest Day was this weekend (don’t worrry, we forgot too), we played a quick round of Candy TIT-les, where our girls acted out names of candies for Andrea and Andy to guess. Andrea blasted Andy in this game about candy, proving that she’s fine and dandy. Ugh. That last sentence was too sweet for even Sweetest Day. Sorry about that.

After a quick break we returned to welcome in 4-time and current Mr. Olympia, Phil Heath! All you need is one look and you can see why he’s the best in the business, but he also shared why his choice of swimsuit color matters (coordination is a big part of presentation, everybody).

Since we had Phil here, we wanted to make him feel at home by having our models do some Feets of Strength. Amber, Cody, Destiny, and Heather all strutted their foot-stuff and competed in the presentation, dexterity, and speed rounds to see who’s got the best shoe-stuffers. Phil determined that Amber’s butt-bashing skills really set her apart and gave her the title. Some people’s feet weren’t just made for walkin’, it seems.

Welcome to a fantastic Tuesday here on Planet Earth, especially in the Mini Mansion. Contrary to popular belief, we do not operate from a secret base on the moon.

The guest host carousel isn’t showing any signs of slowing down, as we welcomed the fabulous Rich Aronovitch into the studio today. Rich told us he got a haircut for the show, but we’re more than a little bit skeptical…

Today also saw us re-introduce into the public lexicon some words that have been lost to the grim march of time, in a segment we call Ye Olde Sex Terms. The very sexy Audrey Mae gave us the definitions of words from the past and even used them in a sentence. We’re definitely going to be using “beard-splitter” on the regular.

We then welcomed in fashion designer Adam Saaks, who has gained worldwide acclaim for cutting dresses while women are wearing them! We think it’s a little unfair that he gets paid exorbitant amounts of money to do this, but when we tried we just got slapped with a subpoena. But we’ll let it slide, because he’s much better at it than we are. His creations go for hundreds of dollars a pop, and he’s willing to let us watch as he demonstrates his techniques on our model, Jacalyn.

While he was doing that, we wanted to show everyone that it’s not just some guy cutting dresses willy-nilly, we let our models Drew and Lindsey try it out for themselves. We’d have to check in on the results later in the show…

After a short break, we came back to talk to Naomi Grossman on Skype, who is one of the breakout stars of the most popular show on TV right now: “American Horror Story: Freakshow.” She plays Pepper, and it takes her over three hours every day to get into makeup for the character (she even shaved her head!). Now that’s dedication. Be sure to check out the show Wednesdays at 10pm on FX, especially if you like a good spook.

We then let our girls show their scissoring abilities by strutting their stuff in the Cut-walk Fashion Show. For first timers, they did pretty well, but nothing compared to Adam’s skills, and he said he wasn’t even done! We thought it looked amazing, and Jacalyn’s body didn’t hurt, either.

Finally, we closed the show with some Know It or Show It, and even though the girls had Adam as a lifeline, they felt confident enough in their abilities not to use him the entire time. You can guess how that worked out.

We had another great show today, with another new guest host next to Andrea! Today’s handsome gentleman is Evan Paley, who is a born and bred Angeleno, which is nice because he saved a ton on plane tickets.

The show got started when we met our new model Vy (pronounced “vee”) and had her walk us through one of her sexy stories in a segment we call Kiss-tory. While she gave us all the juicy details, Jenna and Melissa acted it out on the fly. Note to self: wash the seat in a photo booth next time you use one.

After that, we had our models stick around to play a new game called Guess the Cup Size, where we see a picture of a girl and try to guess what her cup size is. Seems pretty straight-forward, but some of these ladies were in some rather, um, compromising positions. Even with a UFO in the background, it’s hard not to stare.

We then welcomed in Miss September Stephanie Branton, who went from being a model on our show to the tip-top of the Playboy pyramid. We’re very proud of her, and we wanted to show some of what we remember as her best work: our “The Urge” trailer from back in the day. No wonder she made Playmate. As per tradition, she moved through her Playmate Pick Six, and finished as the very first Playmate to get all six correct! She must be more proud now than ever.

We took a break and then came back to welcome the band Radical Something, who are blowing up with their take on So-Cal hip-hop/reggae/alt-rock. They are currently touring, so be sure to see when they’re nearest to you and pile you and your friends into your VW van and get totally freaky. People still talk like that right?

In their honor, we played a very quick round of Wheel of Fantasy: Breast Coast Edition, and the band closed out the show by performing one of their songs right here in our studio. It’s a Mini Concert in the Mini Mansion!

Welcome to the Playboy Morning Show here in the Mini Mansion, today’s guest host is Steve Greene: comedian, football aficionado and caffeine consumer. We like him already.

Things got started today when we discussed the world of celebrity plastic surgery, as we’re having a hard time believing that Renee Zellweger looks like she does these days. We looked at some other notable examples, some more drastic (and made up) than others.

Speaking of celebrity’s skin, Mr. Skin joined us on the phone (it is Thursday, after all) to tell us about Cameron Diaz’s nude debut (with some pictures), and helped coin the phrase “jerkin’ to a merkin” while talking about Lena Headey and “Game of Thrones.” We’re definitely stealing that one.

After that, we celebrated the World Series getting underway with a new game called Stolen Bases, where we welcomed in our players Destiny, Dani, and Veronica to step up to the plate and try to make it all the way around the diamond by answering some baseball trivia questions. In order to steal bases, they had to compete in sexy challenges, including bat dancing and putting condiments on their buns. Their clothes were going, going, gone!

We took a break and came back to Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em for this weekend’s games. If you’re a Broncos or Patriots fan, Andrea’s boobs have predicted a happy weekend for you, and not just because you got to see Andrea’s boobs.

We then had a little informative segment where our models came in and showed us how to correctly get out of your Ebola-ridden nurse’s garb, should you find yourself in that compromising position. We called it Ebola Striptease, and we didn’t learn a single thing. Fun to watch, though.

Our guest today was Kip Pardue, star of the new horror film “Missionary,” about a Mormon missionary who has some dark secrets lurking beneath his white oxford shirt… Don’t come to the door when that guy comes knocking.

We can’t hear “missionary” without thinking sex, so we brought our girls in to play a special Halloween-themed Position Impossible, where the answers featured some skeletons boning each other. The best thing about skeleton sex is that they’re gender-less, race-less, age-less, and all pretty much weigh the same. Now that’s inclusive.

Beep boop beep. Monday mode… engage…

We welcomed Evan Paley back to the show this morning, and he’ll be with us the rest of the week! Some people just can’t stay away, but can you blame them?

First things first, we got our beautiful models on the couch to talk about the big O. Not Oprah, but orgasms, as part of our Hot Girl Focus Group. We got what women want from the best source we know: real-live hot women! Seems the only conclusion we could draw from this is that every woman is different, so if you wanna know what she wants, try asking her, ya dingus!

After that, we played Find the G Spot, to really hammer home our orgasm talk. We hid Andrea’s G Spots all over the room and then had our models try and track them down one at a time. If only it were that easy in real life, am I right fellas?

Next, we talked via Skype with Thomas Cantley, aka Mr. Ballsy, who has gained a bit of attention recently for rolling a large testicle from Los Angeles to New York. We can see how people might be interested in that sort of thing. He’s doing it to raise awareness of testicular cancer, which he is a survivor of, and we wish him nothing but the best. Especially Andrea. You know how she feels about balls.

In Mr. Ballsy’s honor, we brought our models back in to play a quick round of Dick Pics. Our ladies were asked to look at dick-like objects in pictures and then give us their best caption. Some of them were obviously more rock-solid than others. But it’s a hard game, so don’t go nuts if they have a bit of trouble.

We took a short break and then came back to check out our ladies in some… well, boring, generic, store-bought Halloween costumes. This is a PSA on what NOT to do. All these costumes achieve is turning an otherwise hot body into a mass of cheap fabric. We sent them back out to do their best to sexify their outfits in a short amount of time.

As they were doing some tailoring, Andrea picked tonight’s Monday Night Football game and her magic titty picked the Dallas Cowboys to go over the Washington Redskins. Let’s just hope nobody gets a wounded knee.

Finally, our ladies came back in to reveal their sexy costumes. We’re not sure if you should use their techniques if wear your costume to work or around trick or treating, but you may get more candy that way.

It’s all about the titties on a fine Tuesday here at the Playboy Morning Show. Let’s get to the show…

We began this morning with a little Master Debate between family members… specifically, the Howe Twins! We gave them a bunch of Halloween-themed topics of discussion and had them duke it out with their words. The only way they can fail is if they agree, and on some things they actually did. Not much of a debate, but still fun to watch.

After that, we had two of our Girls of the ACC from the October issue of Playboy live in studio with us, to go toe-to-toe in a college game for the ages: Flip Cups! It’s just like regular flip cup, but this game ends with one final bra flip for all the marbles. Brittany Ann beat Ali B, who had to make up a cheer for UNC’s Tar Heels, as part of their pre-game wager. Don’t let the folks back at Syracuse hear that.

Next, we talked via Skype with Bryant Terry, chef, keynote speaker, and author of the new cookbook “Afro Vegan.” For all you vegetarian and vegans out there who are craving some soul-fulness in your food, this is definitely the book for you. How often can you feel responsible AND stuff your face at the same time? The closest we get is eating in line to vote.

We took a short break and then came back with all of our girls shaking their booties for candy in a segment called Dancing for Treats. Apparently that’s what folks used to do before the invention of Trick-or-Treating and we decided to do a modern take on the lost custom. We kept it real old school for the prize, though, using candy corn to reward the best dancer, and as everyone knows all the candy corn in existence was made in 1909.

Finally we held a little obstacle course in honor of the wife-carrying competition that takes place across the pond. Our models lined up with a surrogate wife (see: blow-up doll), and did their best to maneuver through the course in the best time. Carla Howe shocked the world by coming out on top, with the help of some shady tricycle-riding, and walked away with the ceremonial lube.

It’s the Playboy Morning Show: a land of magic, mystery, and boobs! (Magic and mystery may be boob-related)

We got things rolling this morning by checking out some new statements made by the pope in order to appear more forward-thinking. We applaud his open-mindedness, and gave out some of his lesser-known statements, like what God really think about people who spoil “Game of Thrones.” (Hint: it’s not good).

Next, we checked in with our neglected Hidden Ass Twitter account, and found some Hidden Ass that’s been piling up all around our studio. We’re like that show “Hoarders,” but instead of dead cats, we keep finding random butts.

After our search for tail, we went out to our woman-on-the-street for some Nipple News. In a recent discovery, an old notebook in Antarctica was discovered (true!) and we had some excerpts to read for your (not as true!). Carly reported the findings to us, as we got a look into the past and realized… Antarctica fucking sucks. Never go there.

As it is Wednesday, we brought out the Wheel of Fantasy, with a nightmare-ish twist just in time for Halloween. We witnessed such horrors as a Vampire Kiss session, a Monster Mash Make-Out, and some twerking zombies. It’s enough to make you petrified… in your pants.

We took a short break and then came back to welcome in our guest for the day, Grammy-winning singer/songwriter Jon Secada! Jon’s had a successful solo career, and worked with such stars as J-Lo, Shakira, and Ricky Martin as a producer. His book “A New Day” is available now, and you should definitely check it out.

Since we had Jon with us, we wanted to see if he knew his songs as well as his fans, with a game we call Your Song Tit-les. Our models teamed up to try and act out Jon’s titles while he guessed, and I think he was more than a little distracted by their nudity, but he still did a great job. We forget that not everybody is around naked women all day. What a shame.

Happy Halloween! We had a spook-tastic Playboy Morning Show for the ages, so get ready to howl at the moons…

We took some calls at the top of the show, and they seemed to be a little strange today. Well, stranger than usual. Aside from hearing from some obvious pranksters, we also got a call straight from Hell itself… that’s right, ladies and gentlemen, the Devil is real and he watches the Playboy Morning Show. We’re… not all that surprised, really. But he says he’s lonely and wants one of our girls, so we tried to determine who was the most innocent in a game called…

Good to Be Bad! We heard some naughty stories from our ladies and determined that Dani was the most innocent. But rather than give up a fine young lady to the Prince of Darkness himself, we had her hide from him. Just because she’s got a hot body doesn’t mean she wants to spend eternity in hell.

After that, we welcomed in Oliver Robins, star of the Spielberg film “Poltergeist.” Oliver talked about his experience working on one of the quintessential horror movies of all time, and about his new project “29,000 Wishes. 1 Regret,” which is a film about a couple who plan to max out their credit cards and then kill themselves. And you thought the recession hit you hard.

We were rudely interrupted by the Devil once again on our phone lines, claiming he did not receive his girl, and saying he wanted a new one. That Devil sure is one greedy bastard. Our girls came back in to see who knew the least about the Devil, in a trivia game called What the Devil?. Veronica was the first to get completely naked, and was told by our hosts to hide once again, and avoid the Devil’s grasp.

Next, we welcomed in Tuesday Knight, star of “Nightmare on Elm Street 4,” the Freddy Kreuger film which she also sang the theme song for. She told us what it takes to make a scream, and how scary it actually is on set. It really depends on who the director is. BA-ZING!

This time the Devil wasn’t messing around, when he took physical form and joined us in the studio, right before he cut us out to break…

When we came back, our girls were in a state of possession, writhing together uncontrollably on the bed. At least, we think they were possessed. That’s actually how they normally act.

To get a professional opinion, we welcomed in Sean Whalen, from the film “The People Under the Stairs,” who recently played a murderous priest. He talked to us about his horror movie past, and also his Michael Bay-directed “Got Milk?” commercial that kick-started the entire campaign. He was nice enough to don a priest outfit, and with the help of Oliver and Tuesday (dressed as monks), he completed a Sexorcism on our girls, bringing them back to normal.

Finally, we wrapped it up with a dance party, because why not? HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

It’s another Magical Monday here at the Playboy Morning Show. It’s the best place to make your Halloween hangover disappear!

The show got going as we welcomed back Steve Greene to guest host with us for a full week! He’s officially made the move from YouTube to BoobTube.

Throughout the show today, we saw the girls in our brand-new, patented selfie cam that can read minds. We saw just how philosophical these girls can get, when it just looks like they’re trying to find the best angle. I guess still waters sometimes do run deep…

We were planning on having famous YouTube sensation Antione Dodson (of “Bed Intruder” fame) in the studio, but his celebrity boxing match rendered him unable to get out of bed this morning. That’s a sentence that we never thought we’d type (but always secretly hoped). He did win the fight, however, and in his honor we played a Bed Intruder game that bears a striking resemblance to Red Light/Green Light, if you replaced a sweaty P.E. teacher with a hot chick. That’s a good rule of thumb for most situations, actually.

After that, we celebrated falling back for Daylight Savings Time yesterday (if you didn’t know that that happened, go back to bed, you get an extra hour) by falling back into some leaves and making Leaf Angels. We didn’t really have a lot of leaves in our pile, but we did have a pile of gorgeous models, which really makes us want to rake our lawn.

We took a short break and then welcomed in Skip and Alison Bedell from the SpikeTV show “Catch a Contractor,” which they host with our good friend Adam Carolla. There’s nothing more satisfying than seeing a slimy contractor get their well-deserved comeuppance, and we believe that these people are doing the Lord’s work. Just like us here on the Morning Show! Skip and Alison were kind enough to help us sort through some new deviants in our Name That Alleged Perv game, and they proved that it sometimes takes more luck than skill to nab a skeezeball.

Finally, we brought our models back to play some 2 on 2, because it’s officially basketball season! Instead of shooting for points, they were dared to do sexy things and boy, they did not disappoint. This is one basketball game you don’t just turn on in the 4th quarter.

It’s Election Day all across America, from sea to shining local polling location. Remember to get out and vote, it’s what our forebears fought for. Well, that, and any excuse to get out of those garish red coats the British were always wearing.

We started the show off today with a look at some of the data Facebook has been collecting about you, claiming that they can predict when you’re going to fall in love. Didn’t know they were doing that? Outraged? Well, you’ll be even more outraged when you see the new graphs we’ve uncovered… I think this is how that Terminator movie started…

Anyway! We shrugged all that off and continued on with our celebration of “Mo-Vember,” promoting Men’s Health and Awareness by growing gross mustaches! We decided to do our own sexy twist on it, by having our models Tiana, Nasia, and Laruen try to Pin the Muffstache on a very naked Dani G. Ladies, if you can do your part and grow out your muff-stache for men’s health, then you da real MVP.

Next, we rolled through some of the voting that’s going on today by doing some Erection Day Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em. Unfortunately we only had time to run through a few before we had to call it quits. You’ll just have to decide on your local government officials on your own. Ain’t America swell?

To further illustrate our patriotism on this deciding day for America, we had our girls re-speak some famous presidential speeches, only after they had a healthy helping of jalepeno pepper. We haven’t seen a presidential speech this sweaty since Nixon. Hi-oh!!

We took a short break and then welcomed in our guest Quinton Aaron, who you might recognize from “The Blind Side,” as he’s hard to miss. Quinton came in today to promote Censorgram, his new anti-bullying app that he’s helping to develop, proving that he’s a big guy with a big heart. We used his anti-bullying expertise to help us mediate a made-up scenario between our models in a segment called When Puss Comes to Shove.

Finally, we re-clothed all of our ladies in order to have them immediately strip down in the world’s longest-running naked game show, Know It or Show It! The ladies did their best to stay clothed, but the show ended with a naked dance party and giant Quinton dog-pile on the couch. Big guys are snuggle magnets, it seems.

Down and Up and Down again, it’s gotta be Hump Day. Let’s check out the show…

First things first, we talked about Chelsea Handler’s topless, Putin-parodying selfie that Instagram took down. Shame on them! We parodied some famous photos from history using our own naked models, making sure that nobody can take them down. Fight the power! Oh, by the way, follow us on instagram at @pb_morningshow.

After that, we debuted our “Cosmos”-style video, lovingly called The Assmos. Who knew that learning about constellations could be so sexy? We never connected those dots.

In honor of our video (which will hopefully be up on Youtube soon), we played a totally spaced out version of Chicktionary, featuring words having to do with outer space. It’s crazy that we played this game even though we didn’t planet…

We took a short break and then welcomed in chef Ben Ford, who we featured in the magazine back in September. If you weren’t hungry before this interview, you definitely were after. Seriously, I’m getting barbecue sauce like, all over my keyboard right now. He was even enough of a stand up guy to repeat one of his dad’s famous lines for us, which we really hoped he would. We love “Air Force One.”

While Ben was in the studio, we had our girls come in and ask him some cooking questions while trying to distract him with their nudity in a segment called Ben Ford’s Five. Cooking naked can be a safety hazard, but Ben’s got your back. And your front.

Finally, it’s Wednesday, so we dusted off the ol’ Wheel of Fantasy and spun it to see where it landed, and make some lucky callers’ dreams come true. Today’s Wheel was money-themed because of yesterday’s primary elections. Money makes America go ’round (based on how much candidates spent on campaigning), and it also spun our wheel. Cha-ching.

Welcome to Thursday. The year is getting closer and closer to being over, and we’re still going strong. Take that, year!

Our lovely little show got going this morning when we talked on the phone with Mr. Skin. Skin gave us a double-dose of his patented brand of celebrity nudity news (and puns), as he was not with us last week. We’re not complaining, and I don’t think any of you are either.

After that, we brought our girls in for a Hot Girl Focus Group on Anal Sex. Now, the reason we’re doing this comes from none other than Harvard University, which is running a sex ed week, with one of the classes being titled “What What In the Butt.” We assume it’s 101. Anyway, we asked our girls about their anal sex experience, and they really ran the gamut from never doing it to enjoying it a lot. The important thing is to experiment and try new things, and always have a safety word (we like Andrea’s: “parallelogram”).

We kept our ladies in the studio to “bare” witness as Andrea and Steve had a battle of penis-drawing skills, otherwise known as a Dick Off! Andrea drew first, making hers quiet large, while Steve kept his on the smaller side. The ladies all sided with Andrea, and it just goes to show how important it is to know  your audience.

We took a short break and then got one of our super-fans, Tim from Maine on the phone. Tim loves to call in during Wheel of Fantasy asking for some spanking action, and today his dreams came true. Our wheel was tricked out with all “Spanking” options, and he finally watched his dreams come true. That’s the magic of the Morning Show.

Next, we welcomed in Frank Sheftel, owner and operator of “The Candy Factory,” the candy-maker to the stars. They’ve even been sued by the Academy Awards, they’re that popular! Frank talked to us about growing up as a real life kid in a candy store, and then we brought in our ladies to help us make a Human Candy Bar. Veronica laid down on the table and Lisa, Sarah, and Tawny dribbled, dripped, and dipped, making our very own Playboy Model Candy Bar. This is one chocolate bunny you don’t want to bite the head off of.

It’s another Monday morning here at your one-stop-shop for all things Playboy: The Playboy Morning Show. It’s pretty aptly named, wouldn’t you say so?

We started the show today by welcoming back Rich Aronovitch as our guest host for the week. Anybody with a name that rhymes is all right in our book.

After giving Rich a warm homecoming, we moved on to our Fe-Mail, where we read mail from loyal viewers like you, which seems like the right thing to do after you all have spent so much on postage just to get those letters into our box. Cody helped us move through our letters, and we even had a special underwear update, featuring all of our lovely ladies. Sometimes it’s nice to know what’s going to be taken off, so that you can properly say goodbye.

Next, we checked out how Andrea did last week in her Lick ‘em, Stick ‘em, and Pick ‘em titty picks, and she stayed true to form, getting 2 out of 3. Tonight her boobs like the Eagles over the Panthers, and we say bet the farm. Momma needs a brand new pair o’ farms.

Following that, we celebrated Missouri’s recent step forward for Gay Marriage by playing a special “Show Me” version of Lesbian Chicken, in honor of the Show-Me State’s progressive ways. If more voters watched a Lesbian Chicken throw-down, we think the rest of the states would come around pretty quickly.

It’s deep into Muff-vember here on the Playboy Morning Show, and today we had a little muff-themed art project for our ladies, who came in to cut, tape, and googly-eye their own muffs. Limited only by their imaginations (and time), the ladies showed us some rather exotic pubic hair styles, and I think we understand why this trend is coming back in full.

We then welcomed in Kristen Doute and James Kennedy from the Bravo show “Vanderpump Rules,” which just began its third season. If you’ve ever worked in a restaurant, you know it’s tough, but imagine doing it with a camera crew following you around. It also doesn’t help when everyone at the restaurant has slept with each other, but, I mean look at these people, wouldn’t you?

Since Kristen and James are super experienced in the ways of food service, we had our girls try out for them, to see who had the best server skills. After taking an order, dancing for tips, and weaving through our patented obstacle course, we determined that Rachel was queen of them all, taking home the wad of cash. Don’t forget to tip your waitresses.

Well, it’s Tuesday. We’re gonna go ahead and suggest that you buy as many googly-eyes as you can and put them on things all over your place of employment. It really livens up the place. Trust us.

We got things going this morning with a little report on the upcoming forecast in a segment we’re calling Weather or Not?. We had our very own “Windy Cindy” give us the low-down on Polar Vortex 2.0 that’s currently taking the Midwest and Northeast by storm. Literally. Then, just to rub it in, we showed California’s three-day forecast. It’s not fair, is it?

After that, we welcomed in Miss November Gia Marie, the natural redhead and 60′s-style spread in the latest issue of our magazine. Gia talked with us about her budding relationship (bummer, right?) and about her recent trip to the Mansion for Halloween.

While Gia was in with us, we wanted to test her Playmate skills, so we ran her through our Playmate Pick Six, with the help of Amber and little pieces of paper with mustaches on the, in honor of Mo-vember. She played well, earning a perfect six-for-six, and placing her in the pantheon of pristine Playmates for all of time. Talk about hallowed halls.

We took a short break and then honored those who have served our country (it is Veteran’s Day, after all) the only way we know how… with titties! We ran our girls through a Bootie Camp training session, and we’ve never wanted to be a drill sergeant more. We’d drop and give them 20.

Then we brought in Leigh Whannell and Angus Sampson from the new film “The Mule,” which you should definitely check out on iTunes. These guys brought their love of all things horror (they’ve done things like “Insidious” and “Saw” that you may have heard of), and a twisted sense of humor to really bring this story to life. Just, maybe make sure you go to the bathroom before you watch it.

Finally, we closed out the show with the world’s longest-running naked game show, Know It or Show It! Our girls came in and gave it their all to answer questions about drugs, animals, and saws (oh my!), but they were no match for our potent questions and had to strip. Long live the game of kings.